Class of 2012

So today I logged onto twitter to find people talking about Newtown High School's class of 2013. They were all saying how these kids were going to have such a hard time adjusting into college because of the Sandy Hook Shooting. I can not imagine how hard it will be to adjust into a new place, after this shooting....but wait, I actually can.

Now, before I get to far into this, I want to stress that I am not complaining at all, I just think sometimes people tend to over look the people who are from Newtown, who were at college on December 14, 2012.

When I talk about the SHES shooting to people, I get a number of mixed reactions. Some people tend to clam up, and not want to talk about it, others are excited to see that I am talking about it and what to know how I am doing, and others are surprised that it affected me. I'm sorry, what? You are surprised that I am affected by the shooting? Well, lets see...I have lived in Sandy Hook for the past 7 years, I have many friends over there, I am still close with some of my teachers at the high school, and I knew a victim of the SHES shooting. So, please, inform me on how you are surprised that I am not affected?

People always talk about how the class of 2013 is going to have such a hard time adjusting to college life because of this, but what about the class of 2012 who just started college, and about half way through their freshman year had this tragic event happen? No longer being in high school cuts off certain ways for former students. They feel weird (or maybe its just me) reaching out to old teachers for help, because you are no longer their student and they have their own students to take care of, you feel strange talking to your friends who are still in high school about it, because you both have different experiences with that day. One of you was in a lock down at NHS not knowing what the hell was going on, and the other was driving down I84 and seeing all of the cop cars from every city in CT drive down to Sandy Hook. My experience is not like my friends. My friends experience is not like mine. Does that mean one person doesn't have as much right to be afraid as the other? No. Both people have the right to grieve.

Let me say, going back to school in January was so much harder then moving in for the first day of classes in August. Everyone at school knew I was from Sandy Hook, and I got looks, and weird vibes from people. Things would never be the same.

I know how strange things are going to be for the class of 2013 just going to college. I had to go through it by myself. Thankfully during the year the class of 2013 had the time to go talk to their teachers about anything that was bothering them, while the class of 2012 did not really have that opportunity. We had to go on with our life outside of Newtown, and let me tell you...that was really hard.

I am Newtown Strong.

What can I say about Newtown, CT? We are forever united, Nighthawks for life. I moved to Newtown about 8 years ago, right when I was about to turn 12. I wasn’t too thrilled to be moving to this small town in Connecticut, which seemed to be in the middle of nowhere with nothing interesting to do. While I may not have been thrilled to move into such a small town at the time, I have grown to love Newtown over the past 8 years.  We are such a close community, I could not ask for anything better. We have the best educators and best school district in the world. My passion for education has only blossomed in the Newtown public schools. I have become such a strong person since I’ve lived in Newtown.

Newtown public schools pushed and challenged me. I never knew learning could be so fun and interesting until I moved here. During my sophomore year of high school is when I really became passionate about education and the Newtown public school system. I had the best guidance counselor who always encouraged me to push myself to do challenging things. I had the best physical education teacher who taught me to love life and to be happy with myself. And I had the best social studies teacher who taught me that life isn’t just black and white, its colorful, and we should all embrace the different qualities in others. Newtown public schools are where I found my passion in life, and Newtown High School and its staff are the reasons I am going to college, pursing a career in education.

Newtown is what you make of it. You can sit in your room all day, being bored and complaining how there is nothing to do, or you can go out and explore and see what this town has to offer.

Leaving Newtown to go to college was the hardest thing I had to do. I was leaving behind my friends; teachers and peers who helped shape me into the person I am today. I didn’t want to leave all of that behind, because I didn’t want my life to change. Newtown is a safe place, you are always taken care of and things never seem scary, like they do in the real world. I was scared to leave Newtown, because I was afraid I was going to get lost in the hustle and bustle of the real world. I was nervous going from a small town into the big, real world. Well, little did I know that I would be fine, but about 4 months after I left for college something would happen to my favorite town, changing it forever.

December 14 was a day like any other. I was finally home for winter break, getting ready to have jaw surgery on the 16^th. (What fun…) My mom and I were in the car on our way to have my blood work done when we got the call. “This is Janet Robinson. I am calling to inform you that the Newtown public school system is in lockdown. We will keep you updated on the school’s statues.”  When I got this call, I didn’t think anything of it. Newtown has lockdowns occasionally, because there is a bank in town. I just thought the bank was being robbed, and they were putting all the schools into lockdown for safety precautions. Well, I was wrong. When we got on the high way to go to Hartford, there were cop cars with their lights on coming down to Newtown. This is when I knew it wasn’t any ordinary lockdown.

So I did what any teenager my age would do, I went on twitter. I went directly to the Newtown Patch’s site, because they always had the latest updates on what was going on in Newtown. And that is when I saw the tweet, “There has been a shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary.” I couldn’t believe what I had just read. I thought they had to have mixed up their tweets or something. Well, about a minute later Janet Robinson called confirming the shooting. At the time, there were no reports of injuries or deaths. I thought maybe a student brought a gun to school in his backpack, and it just went off, not hurting anyone. Or maybe a parent was upset and just shot off a gun to scare someone.

Well, I carried on with my blood work, keeping my eye on my twitter feed.  There are so many numbers and theories being thrown out on twitter, I could not figure out what numbers were real and which were not. As soon as I heard there was an armed man in the building, my mind went to my neighbors and their kids. In my neighborhood there are so many little kids who go to SHES. My mom called around making sure that everyone found their kids and that they were safe. We got the good word from all of our neighbors, except. The mom was in a panic, because she could not find her son. She said the firehouse was really crowded, and that her son had to be somewhere.  Then the tweets started coming in that there were 20 children dead and 6 educators as well.  Those numbers sickened both my mom and myself.

My mom had to pull over at a gas station to use the bathroom because all of this was making her sick.  When we pulled over, I checked her phone to see a text from the mom who could not find her little boy. The text read, “He is gone.” Being disoriented from this horrific day, I didn’t understand what she meant; so I texted back asking what she meant. She responded with “He is dead.” He is dead. Those are the worst 3 words anyone could ever here. This little boy that I loved with all my heart, who was like a little brother to me, was gone.

The tragedy truly struck home when I realized my neighbor, who I watched grow up  (and changed his diapers when he was little) was gone. He was never going to come home. The bus wouldn’t bring him home, nor would his parent’s car. What was even harder than losing him? Not getting to say goodbye. His funeral was the same time as my surgery, so I didn’t get to say goodbye to him, and that will forever haunt me.

Going back to college after December 14 was the HARDEST thing I ever had to do. I was starting my second semester of college, a new chapter in my life, while there were 20 beautiful children and 6 inspiring educators who would never get a second chance at life.  I happened to start classes on January 14, one month exactly after the shooting. It was hard, because many professors brought up the fact that it was the one-month marking of the Sandy Hook shooting, and I had to fight back my tears.

Being away from Newtown at a time like this was extremely hard. So I came home every weekend, to be with my family and my town. Not everyone agreed with my decision to come home every weekend, and I got some crap for coming home. People were claiming that I was missing out on the college experience. How could I focus on the “college experience” when 20 kids under the age of 8 were missing out on this beautiful thing called life? I even had a student from NHS tell me that since I was not in a school during the time of the shooting, I didn’t have as much right to be upset about the shooting. I was shocked that someone would have the audacity to say something like that. I don’t have as much right to be upset over the shooting as someone who was in a high school classroom at the time of the shooting? To this day, walking into a school still gives me anxiety. I always catch myself looking over my shoulder to make sure no one is behind me. I have panic attacks where I can’t breathe; because I am so scared that someone I love is going to be hurt again. I have the right to grieve. I have the right to be just as upset and scared as someone who was in the high school at the time of the shooting. I lost a very good friend that day, so I don’t understand how someone can tell me I don’t have a right to be so upset.

So, the moral of my story is I love Newtown. I love Sandy Hook. While I may try to avoid the question of "where are you from?" its not because I am ashamed on Newtown, its just that my story is so long (this isnt even all of it) and I don't like repeating myself, and sometimes I feel that people really dont care enough to hear my full story. I love the Newtown public school systems and their staff. I love the teachers at every Newtown public school. I am so honored to call myself an education major. I can only hope to follow in the footsteps of Ms. Vicki Sotto. She is my hero. Every single teacher teaching in Newtown is my hero. Thank you Newtown for always being there for me. Thank you for showing me that love can come out of any and all situations. We are Newtown. We are Newtown Strong.